Repentance is the only essential to ending suffering (Issue 310)

I remember that, after the Venerable Master entered nirvana, I went to Taiwan. In Taiwan, there are many other wayplaces dedicated to the study of precepts. Many fellow practitioners hoped that I would go visit them. However, I didn’t dare go. Why? Because I didn’t want to complicate my affinities with the Venerable Master. When Venerable Master was still alive, I was at Gold Buddha Monastery. I felt that ever since I left home, I hadn’t learned very much and that I was unworthy of being a teacher. What’s more, the Venerable Master asked me to teach, and I felt really embarrassed because I didn’t know how.

After I left the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas, I was at Gold Buddha Monastery, lecturing on sutras and speaking the Dharma. One day, the Venerable Master called. I requested him for guidance, asking ‘Shr Fu, can I go to China to study precepts?’ That was because, the Venerable Master had instructed us to study the precepts from the elderly Dharma Master Tongyuan who resided in mainland China. Dharma Master Tongyuan was a modern-era master. She graduated from Beijing University and later became a monastic. She felt it was pitiful for female practitioners to not understand precepts. As a result, she dedicated her whole life to studying the Vinaya and reciting the Buddha’s name, etc. She later entered nirvana. That was what prompted me at that time to ask the Venerable Master if I could go and study precepts with Dharma Master Tongyuan’s disciples. The Venerable Master told me that there was no need.

Later, Dharma Master Shr came to Vancouver. I thought, “This is good timing. Dharma Master Shr can help look after the monastery while I go for a wholesome gathering (precept study).” Three months later, I approached the Venerable Master for the same request. However, the Venerable Master gave me the same answer – there was no need. Moreover, the Venerable Master said that we shouldn’t be wandering around. Hence, up to now, having been a monastic for many years, I dare not go anywhere except with the Sangha. This is because I don’t want to complicate my dharma affinity with the Venerable Master.

I truly cherish my affinity with the Venerable Master. As the Master once told me, he had seen me when I was a baby. Throughout the course of me studying Buddhism, it was very smooth without any obstacles. The greatest obstacle was my own laziness. Therefore, I really value this dharma affinity. I want it to be simple, not complicated.